When people use the terms ‘sole custody’ or ‘joint custody’ what do they mean? I’ve found when people say they want sole custody, what they mean might not be what I mean, when using the term.
In the context of a contested divorce, versus an uncontested divorce, they might mean they want their child to be with them full-time or they might be talking about who has the authority to make decisions about the child.
There are two components of custody in New York: physical custody (also called residential custody), which is the schedule of the child for going back and forth between the parents’ homes (parenting time) and legal custody, which is the authority to make decisions for the child. Legal custody would apply only to major decisions that have long term effect on the child, such as religious education, choice of school and medical decisions. This wouldn’t apply to day-to-day decisions; Can I have a sleepover at Bo’s house on Saturday? Can I have candy after school?
I had a case where the parents were fighting bitterly over sole custody. As it turned out no one had asked them what they meant by sole custody.
One parent wanted the kids every other weekend because they were in middle school and high school and were busy all week with school and after-school activities. They wanted to be involved in making decisions. The other parent wanted the kids to spend weeknights in one home, to have consistent routines for getting ready for school, and every other weekend with each parent, and was happy for the co-parent to have sole decision making around medical questions, as they were a doctor, and shared decision making about everything else.
It turned out that both parents could have what they wanted with sole custody.